Good quote

"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal is going to waste a lot of time running around and shouting that he has been robbed. The fact of the matter is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is like an old time rail journey...delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinders and jolts, interspersed only occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."

Oh Benjamin...

My Get Well Card/Letter from Ben

My favorite pile of mail

I just got the cutest call from that hot stud muffin.

Oh he misses me alright.

Heck, I was even told that as a welcome home present, I'm going to get my lap dance! Ha ha ha! (For those that don't know, Ben can easily be paid hundreds of dollars for his stripper dancing skills, yes, he is that good) :P

I'm happy to report, he sounds like "Old Ben" again....and sounded soooooo happy to talk to me!

Which, once again makes it impossible for me to get over that monkey...dang it.

Either way, it really brightened my day hearing my Ben on the phone...especially since he sounds like Ben again, as opposed to "Military Ben" whom I despise.

Either way....good day.

Although, I have to admit...I miss his curly hair.

Today's Forecast: Dark and Cloudy

Once upon a time...I found my match...

Then he left for the Army...

And this was the last time we were together...

Which brings me to today.

Today sucked like a Coltran Central Vacuum.

Let me explain:

First off, it looks like my Ipod got lost, or stolen at the "Walk For Food Allergies" event. Much sadness. 15,000 songs gone. Not only that but, that was my motivator. Walking, going rounds on the punching bag, jogging, sit ups, dancing...everything. My ipod was my muse. Music is what gets me going...today it was so hard to go jogging with silence....I didn't go as long as I usually do...it just sucked.

Unfortunately, that isn't the worst part of the day. I heard news of Ben today, and he changed his job in the Army. I made him promise me before he left that if he was going to be stupid enough to join the military, he was going to pick a safe job. So, he respected my wishes and did, he decided to go into Human Relations, which is a desk job, in a secure building on base, filling out paperwork, and making sure people get paid on time. Ben knows how much I worry about him in general, and so, I was actually okay with that for a job.

Turns out, that can change. He has excelled in everything in bootcamp, and became the Platoon Guide, and is now in charge of the platoon of 60 soldiers, and apparently got high enough scores on everything that he was offered a different job, one that doesn't get offered often, because you have to really be top of the line...and since Ben is, when it was brought to him, he took it.

He is now going airborne, and into special ops. Meaning, he is going to be jumping out of planes behind enemy lines, sniping people out, becoming a bounty hunter, and everything is highly classified and he will keep a million secrets to take to his grave. So much for the safe job idea right?

I really didn't know how to take that. I mean, I want to be supportive and say, "I'm so proud of you, look at what you've accomplished" but at the same time, I want to be selfish and say, "You idiot! Are you asking to be shot?"

"Conflicted" might be the best word.

Not only that, but he is no longer coming home in January...something I was really looking forward to....it's now February or March.

I'm just worried. I don't want him to be in harm's way. Not to mention, he has had enough signs in this lifetime, showing that his life expectancy is to be a short one. So, of course, he's not afraid to get shot or die, he's been expecting it, but what about the rest of us? His mom? Siblings? Friends? Me?

Don't get me wrong, I've proven time and time again that I can be tough...but this is going to be so hard, and hurt so much. Right now it's already killing me being so far away from him, and he's only in bootcamp. What's worse is, not only is it a fear for his safety, but a fear for him changing. When I talk to him on the phone, he doesn't even sound like the same person. Which already scares me...I just don't want him to forget me, or suddenly get so cocky and arrogant, that he's "too good" for me.

And I know what you're thinking, "You're better off without him", "Just forget him", "He doesn't deserve you", "You're too good for him"...etc.

Maybe some of that is true...but the thing is, I gave my heart to him years ago, and I don't think I ever got it back. I've dated other people and have still been in love with him, he's dated other people and I'm still crazy about him, I honestly don't think it'll ever change...the thing is, I'm happy with him, he makes me laugh, he sings to me, cares about me unconditionally and honestly knows and understands me. I don't have to say a word, and he already knows what is going through my mind...

...and through all of our hardships over the years, the one thing we've always had is each other...yeah, there's been some rocky patches, but I can't imagine life without him.

So, perhaps I'm worrying a bit much...but my stomach is seriously in knots just thinking about him being that close to danger. I miss him so much...miss his arms around me...miss him singing in my ear, miss him making me breakfast, miss him making me laugh...miss him warming my hands, miss being able to use his chest as a pillow, miss falling asleep and cuddling with him...I just miss him.

So, for now I guess I'll just deal with it....but as the months go on...I'll brace myself for the sleepless nights yet to come, and the tears that will fall, and try my hardest to not think about it.

This blows. I think I picked a challenge when I decided I loved Ben....Gosh I'm an IDIOT!

Walk for Food Allergies.

Exhausted after the run.

Pretty Scenery

My pumpkin...trying to mimic it's face.

After the 10k

My fist. My angry "my team ditched me" face.

Jogging

Jack and me

"Walking 4 Ben"

Showing off the back of the shirt

Right after my face got painted

Dancing! I love dancing, and the bird is a good dancer!

Brenda Mee and...me

So, this morning I participated in the Food Allergy & Anaphylaxis Network’s (FAAN’s) "Walk for Food Allergy: Moving Toward A Cure" in Boise. It's the first time it's been held in Boise, but the organization is headed up by country singer Trace Atkins. If you guys watched "The Apprentice" this last year, if he had won, the money was going towards this organization, because his daughter suffers from severe food allergies. The event raised funds to find a cure for food allergy and to educate others. As of right now, so far today's event raised 23,000 dollars, and attracted atleast 500 people.

Now, I don't have any food allergies actually, but I know people who do. My darling Ben for example is deathly allergic to pumpkins. Which is ironic actually because I was born on Thanksgiving, and have had my share of pumpkin pie, and all sorts of things relating to pumpkin, whereas he doesn't go near it. It does make me sad though to know that he'll never enjoy the simple things like carving a pumpkin, roasting pumpkin seeds, smashing pumpkins, eating pumpkin pie, or more simply, shopping for a pumpkin. He has to wear gloves just to touch the shopping carts this time of year.

So, for the event I made a schnazzy shirt. It said "No thanks, I'll P.A.S.S!" on the back, with a picture of a pumpkin, and then on the front it shows that "P.A.S.S." is my new found lovely acronym for, "Pumpkins and Squash Suck!" (Kudos to Erica for help on it). The shirt rocked. I got interviewed by Brenda Mee with KIZN 92.3 FM, and she took a bunch of pictures for their website. Apparently, pumpkin isn't a typical food allergy, and a lot of folks were suprised when I mentioned how bad Ben's allergy is.

So, maybe this doesn't concern you, or directly effect you, but hey, it was for a good cause, and I love supporting a cause. This year I got to participate in the "American Cancer Society's: Relay for Life" celebration, and if it wasn't for Ben dragging me into it, I never would have realized how passionate I am about helping others.

The only thing that would have made it better would have been, well, if Ben was there. My whole team bailed on me at the last minute, and so I was alone, but I know... as well as I know that the sun will rise each day, that if Ben was here, he would have been there for the event...and it would have been Heaven, as it always is in his company. He would have even suffered with the fact that there was pumpkin painting at the event...

Scratch that...or if Erica was there. If she could have come up, I know she would have been here rooting me on like she always does. Or even Kelli. Those 3 people seriously mean the world to me....and make my life so much easier and more fun.

So, besides pumpkin painting, there was an astro jump, different costumes, contests, food (though I stayed away from it), prizes...it was a ton of fun.

You could do one of 3 walks at the event: 2k, 5k, or 10k. Which is about: a little over a mile, 3 miles, and a little over 6 miles. So, since I do about an hour's worth of walking a day, I went with the 10k. It was a breeze...I was suprised to see so many little kids doing the 10k walk though. One dad asked his 4 yr old if she was ready to go back in the stroller, or wanted him to carry her, and she loudly proclaimed, "NO daddy! I can do it! Sheesh!" It was hilarious.

Other fun activities would be dancing with the Boise Hawks mascot "Humphrey", meeting "Jack Sparrow" (super hot pirate man), dancing, and meeting some new folks...and playing with the kids. It was so much fun...no seriously, it was. Although, when I got home I was exhausted and passed out in the recliner...my uncle took a pic of it, and it's funny.

The Skinny Ginny

So, here's a nice comparison to how I've changed over a year...the first sets of picture were taken either today, or about 3 weeks ago at my dad's wedding...the next set are pictures between July-December of last year...and then...keep reading....

This morning on the Greenbelt. October 2008

The back of my shirt. Boise, ID October 2008

Dancing with The Boise Hawks Mascot this morning. October 2008

Dancing with Keegan at my dad's wedding. September 2008. Check out my calves!

September 2008. Dancing With Keegan. Boise, ID

Miami, August 2007



Kelli's Wedding September 2007

Twin Falls Idaho, December 2007

Kuna, Idaho. Ben and me, September 2007

AcappellaStock, Ogden, Utah August 2007

So...my weight fluctuates like most girls, and I'll admit to being an emotional eater sometimes.

Here's a great example: About a year and a half ago, I lost Ben. He has been my best friend for 7 years now, and at the time I didn't want to see him go...and when he did, I lost it...and ate my emotions and gained 30-40 lbs. in two months. I blimped to a size 26 in pants. I was a wreck. Luckily, due to timing, fate, problems, or Ben finally gaining common sense, he came back...therefore I was happy, and didn't eat as much...due to just his company, being happy, and occasional swing dancing, I dropped back down to a size 20. So, now that he's gone in bootcamp, I refused to handle his absence the way I did before, and am now a 16. My goal is an 11 by the end of January, and believe me, with how much I've been working, I know I can accomplish this. Most people don't believe I was ever that big, or that I ever looked that big....so, he's the ugly truth, and the pictures to proove it. Most of the "ugly" pictures were taken between July-December of 2007...most of that time was without my darling Ben....and the skinner ones have been taken in the last month. Big difference huh? The dancing pictures were taken at my dad's wedding, and the ones with the pumpkin shirt were taken this morning.

How did I do it you ask? No diet pills, no stomach staples, no surgeries, no weight watchers, no Jenny Craig, just simple diet and excersize. I watch what a eat, take smaller portions, and excersize for a couple of hours a day.

Some favorite times with Ben...

Okay, I'm a picture ham, so here's some favorites of dear Buckwheat Benny!

These were taken in Twin Falls for his birthday.

The first is of us at the Twin Falls Temple, and the sun made my hair super red.

The next is at NazzKart racecar driving...which he unfortunately totally kicked my butt at...it's okay, I usually win at everything anyway.

One of my favorites of Ben...his super cheesy smile after we walked through that waterfall.

Then we have one of Ben and I behind the waterfall

The last is of us at the movies, and wearing the funny glasses for the whole movie...we got some stares, but that's just us.

Man, I miss that goofball....

New To BlogSpot.

So, my dear friends the Williams had a blog spot, and I figured that maybe this would be a good investment. I love to write...and well, I have a lot to say sometimes...okay, a lot to say ALL of the time. I'm quite a talker!

Lately life has been a little out of the ordinary...and I'll be more than happy to downdate, and update you on it.

This summer is probably a good place to start. As most of you know, for years I've been in love with a guy named Ben...and for years we've had enough ups and downs to sink the Titanic. Well, in August he decided to join the United States Army, and has now left me here, to figure out a lot of things. I got so carried away with spending every single moment with him, that I forgot to look at a lot of things to work on for myself. Seriously though, this last year every single day was with Ben, and everything I did was with Ben, and I was SO happy. I honestly didn't know how happy I could of been...I love having that one person that's always on my side no matter what, and having a goofball to laugh with. So, now it's just seeing if this seperation does us good or not. Right now with the way his letters sound...I think he's going to come back better, but probably a cocky jerk, so I'm going to beat him at his own game...

I have had a lot of good times with him though. For his birthday in August (right before he left) we went to Twin Falls, and literally walked through a waterfall, went racecar driving, went to a movie, dinner, the temple open house, and I loved every moment. I also miss singing and dancing with him. I am seriously craving a dance partner right now.

Anyway...it's been tough, but I can do this...I seriously can do anything when I put my mind to it, which brings me to my next entry.